Saturday, July 09, 2005

The F-Factor

I've decided to come up with my own ratings system for knitting.

Mostly because I don't believe the current terminology of "Easy," "Intermediate" or "Expert" fully prepares the knitter for the kind of project on which they are about to embark. (See how proper that sentence was? I managed to NOT end it in a preposition.)

Therefore, I've created the F-Factor Ratings System. It's a rather simple system: How many times the knitter blurts out "Fuck!" during knitting
a particular pattern determines its "F-Factor" rating*. Easy, peasy.

For example, a simple scarf with a straight garter stitch might only require one, if any, "Fuck!" mutterings while knitting the entire scarf. This scarf pattern would have an F-Factor rating of F1.

Yet a more complicated, let's say, lace patterned poncho with a pattern printed WRONG in the book, and WRONG on the errata page of the book's website, might require multiple howlings of "Fuck!" This pattern wou
ld be more likely to get an F-Factor rating of F4.

Even more interesting would be the cardigan I just finished. This was a pretty easy pattern to follow. Just a few "fucks!" could be heard throughout most of that pattern. Until...I reached the sleeves and the two sets of circular needles. The pattern then became an F5...with a bullet.

Thankfully, the pattern redeemed itself as this knitter got more accustomed to knitting with two sets of circulars. In the end, it netted out to have an F-Factor rating of about F3.

So let's review:

The fewer "fuck!" utterances during the knitting process yields a lower F-Factor rating. The more uses of "fuck!" yields a higher F-Factor rating.

Feel free to begin using this rating system. I think it's just a wee bit more realistic. Don't you?

*Or any curse word you favor.


Vanessa said...

I LOVE that system.
Would I be correct in assuming that covers the times when fuck is used in conjuction with other expletives?

Marissa said...

So great. I'm just learning to knit, so EVERYTHING has an F Factor of 5++++.

Valerie said...

oh wow. F5++++++++++ is my grade for EVERYTHING. I'm really sucking. I need a live-in knitter. =)

cursingmama said...


LisaB said...

This is a wonderful idea. Except mine would be the shit or crap factor! Because those are my choice words of frustration.

SCarrGo said...

Love it!

Carolyn B. said...

What, have you been listening to me knit? ;o) Love your system! I'm working on some socks that are wavering between F1 (forgot to slip the 1st stitch on the heel flap and so I undid 22 tiny rows) and F5+ for confusing (at least to me) directions that have (so far) had me turning the heel three times and then giving up and writing to the pattern's creator.

Enjoyed the posting of the new rating system!

Elisabeth said...

Awesome System!
Thankfully I only have one F5 on the needles at present. :-)

Robin said...

See, my mum and I have that same rating system, which we learned at the "truck driving school of embroidery" The F factor is amplified--usually by the fact that you've impaled a digit onto a needle quite handily. We didn't have the nice little pink scrabble letters, though. DAMN!